Things you say when you’re a stay at home mom

Spending your days with young children is a tough job. You spend your time trying to create a fun learning environment for these little people who you love so much, while working very hard to retain a small amount of your sanity as they test your patience with everything they’ve got. It’s a tough balancing act and you find yourself dealing with situations you never thought you would.

Below are a few examples of the ridiculous things moms find themselves saying on a daily basis.
1. “Do you need to poop?”

I never thought I could be so concerned with someone else’s bowl movements. When? Where? What does it look like? But with two kids in diapers I spend a good chunk of my day talking about, and waiting on poop.

And the answer to this question is usually “no”, especially when yes, they did in fact poop. Then there’s the act of changing the diaper. Removing the old diaper isn’t so bad, but if your kid is mobile then you know the struggle. Picture an octopus, that has been greased up and has super strength. Now try to put a diaper on it.
2. “I’ll give you a timbit/cookie/ice cream.. ” 

Yes, I use bribery and I’m not ashamed of it.
3.”Where are your clothes?! “

Every. Damn. Day. We wake up, I put pants, a t-shirt and socks on her. I turn my back, she leaves the room, she comes back in without half these items on. ” Child. We live in a city they call Winterpeg.  I’m wearing two sweaters, wooly socks and I’m not even sure if my car will start today. Where are your clothes?!”

I should add, the clothing to happiness ratio is a real thing. The less layers toddlers have on the better their mood is. I can’t explain it but it’s a fact.
4. “Don’t lick the ____.”

Fridge. Table. Cat. Toilet. Your sister. The options are endless. You get the picture.
5. ” Share.” 

If I hear any kind of argument starting I shout this as more often than not it applies.

This one also coincides with “I will throw out all of your toys”.  This usually works, especially if you sweep the playdoh off the floor and slowly dump it into the garbage in front of them. Just be prepared to do some garbage picking if you don’t feel like replacing something.
So there you have it. A day in the life of a stay at home mom. Now go give a mom a bottle of wine, she needs it.


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